It’s time to vote for our Hunk of the Month for July. And July is hot, right? So it’s only fair that I make your choices very hot & :sexy & beach-worthy.

I’m hidin’ my rocks behind this rock.

Sadness is… having no one to swim with, even though I’m wearing my sexy blue Speedo.

You can never be too wet or too sexy.

Zee sand, it is so hot—and so am I.

Yesterday, I listed a bunch of reasons I haz a sad that I’m not attending the RWA National conference in New York as we speak.

Today, I’m going to list some of the reasons I’m happy I’m not there—even as I continue to haz the sad for all the aforementioned reasons. :crying   (Hey, I’m a woman—I can juggle way more emotions than just “happy” & “sad” simultaneously. Later, I’m thinking of adding “lonely,” “angry,” & “ecstatic.” )

I AM HAPPY I did not have to pack.  I hate packing.  No, I mean HATE. I would rather have a root canal.  Or pelvic exam.  Or eat raw tomatoes.  Okay, maybe not eat tomatoes…I really do hate those things.

I AM HAPPY I do not have to travel.  (See above for the Hate Scale.) I’m okay once I get to my destination, but again, root canals are more enjoyable to me than dealing with airports, airlines, people in the airports & on the planes, shuttles, hotel check-ins…  I just really enjoy staying home & never, ever having to leave.

I AM HAPPY I saved myself some money on the whole plane/train/automobile/hotel bill thing.  I mean, it’s worth it for the conference experience, but keeping it in my bank account is good, too.

I AM HAPPY I do not have to deal with the crowded hustle & bustle of New York in June, nearly July.  I mean, New York is great, but Country Mouse/City Mouse.  I’m a Country Mouse at heart.

I AM HAPPY I don’t have to deal with dressing up (pantyhose–gack!) & doing make-up.  Do you know how traumatizing it is to dig out last year’s conference clothes & realize you must have had a very…chubby winter because nothing fits?  Or to stand in front of a hotel bathroom’s mirror & realize you don’t remember how to put your make-up on.  I once used mascara before foundation & eyeshadow because I forgot how the flip to do it!  (When you spend your days in pajamas & without a stitch of make-up, suddenly being asked to guzzy yourself up for public interaction is like one of those dreams where you find yourself standing in front of a crowd of people totally naked.)

I AM HAPPY I don’t have to worry about bedbugs.  Whether or not the conference hotel has them, it’s a non-issue for me. *g*

I AM HAPPY I don’t have to leave my kittehs, especially Phantom Kitty (a.k.a. Precious).  She’s my oldest & needs a lot of very special care my pet sitter can’t provide.  Mainly because Precious won’t come out from under the bed for anyone else, so if anything was wrong, they’d never know until it was too late.  So, nope, can’t leave her.

I AM HAPPY that I get to stay home & deal with my current deadline.  The book is due soon after the conference, so if I were there, I’d spend all my time in a mental panic over getting it finished on time.  Unless I tried to get it finished & turned in before I even left, which would have put me in a nearly catatonic state.  So I’d be there, fretting about how tired I’d be after the conference, & how I’d ever manage to clear my head enough to get back to it.  This is better; I shall stay home & concentrate (hopefully) without major interruption, & my editor will have the book on his desk right when it’s due.

Last but not least, I AM HAPPY that there will be no unpacking for me.  As bad a packer as I am, I’m an even worse unpacker.  Literally, my suitcase from the NJRW conference last October is still sitting on my front porch.  I’ve been in it a few times when I needed something, but otherwise… :spikey

So while everyone else will be dressed to the nines & rubbing elbows with the publishing elite…

I will be home alone, workin’ & relaxin’, workin’ & relaxin’…

P.S.  I’m also posting at the Brava Authors blog today with a “If I were at RWA, I would be signing copies of THE BITE BEFORE CHRISTMAS” Giveaway.  So if you want a chance to win an autographed copy of THE BITE BEFORE CHRISTMAS, get your vampy little bottoms over there!

As I mentioned yesterday, I’m not attending the RWA National convention this year in New York.  If I were, I’d probably be leaving right…about…now.  Which makes me—as the photo reflects—sad. :crying

I AM SAD I won’t be seeing my wonderful agent & editors—all of whom treat me to delicious meals when we get together.  Not that I’m in it solely for the food.  Or the drinks.  But those things are a definite plus. :eats

I AM SAD I’ll miss seeing & chatting with so many of my writer friends.  One of the very best things about conferences is seeing & chatting with writer friends.  And making new writer friends, too!

I AM SAD I won’t run into readers who think I’m the best thing since sliced bread.  You know that scene in Soapdish where Sally Fields goes to the mall incognito, then makes Whoopi Goldberg “recognize” her until a crowd of fans gathers around  begging for autographs?  Yeah, it’s kind of like that.  And sometimes, those of us  who spend so much time at home, indoors, in our deadline caves… feeling overworked, underpaid, & underappreciated… well, sometimes we really needs that tiny little ego boost.

I AM SAD I’ll miss attending the Golden Heart/RITA ceremony when a couple of friends are finalists this year.  But I’m betting they come home with the awards, & having me there would probably only act as a bad luck charm, anyway. :spikey

I AM SAD I won’t get to visit New York.  I mean, it’s (in the tone of the Pace Thick & Chunky Salsa commerical) New York City! I could have gone to a show (Wicked, perhaps? :mistress )…witnessed the Gay Pride Parade scheduled for this week…visited by agent’s & publishers’ offices…spotted the Naked Cowboy in Times Square (I’ve actually seen him before; in fact, I was there & witnessed him in all his half-naked, guitar-toting goodness before folks started to really notice him & make a big deal about his presence.  That’s right, I practically discovered the Naked Cowboy. Well, I noticed him, anyway. What red-blooded American gal wouldn’t? :eyelashes )…or pressed my nose against the Today Show Window (I’ve done that, too…from both sides. *g*)…

I AM SAD—really, really sad—I’m going to miss the Black & White party Harlequin is throwing at the Waldorf.  I’ve never been there…nor have I been to one of their Black & White parties, which I hear are exceptional.  Not to mention the St. Martin’s Press & Kensington parties.  And the publisher sponsored book signings…which are way more fun (for me, anyway) than the giant Literacy Signing.  Uh-oh, I’z hazing a major sad again… :crying

And I AM SAD I will not be there to hear all the latest business buzz firsthand.  Oh, that really is a blast.  Some of it’s gossip, sure, but some of it’s really important industry information you just don’t hear anywhere else.

Yeah, I’m starting to feel badly that I’m not going…or perhaps more to the point, won’t be there.  (And, yes, there is a difference.)  But I’ll be all right.  Lots to keep me busy here.  And hopefully all those friends who are attending will share detailed reports the minute they get back.

So…