gettin’ fixed

PhotobucketWhile I’ve kept this moderately under wraps, I can’t wait any longer to warn you that I will be out of commission & away from The Dungeon for a while, starting Wednesday.

I know, I know…  What are y’all gonna do without  li’l ol’ me?  :fanglips Of course, I won’t leave you without entertainment; I’m going to put blog posts together ahead of time, I just won’t be here to amuse you in person. :jack

But, sadly, it cannot be helped.  I am going under the knife again, & this time it’s not going to be nearly as much fun.

PhotobucketIn case you couldn’t guess from the procedure I had done back in August, I have been having problems of a female variety.  (I know—what are the chances? :fuzzydice )  Frankly, I’ve had them since I was a teenager & have been all but begging for a hysterectomy since I was about about eighteen.  Finally, I am happy to say, they’re giving me one.

Which doesn’t mean I’m excited about going through with it.  Because, I mean—ouch!  Actual surgery, with an incision & everything…  Anesthesia…  An overnight stay in the hospital…  Two-plus weeks of pain & misery.  Whaaaaaa!

Let me tell you, though, if you’re ever feeling old & need a little pick me up, schedule one of these suckers.  Ever since I did, everybody I mention it to—including the doctor & his nursing staff—have hit me with, “But you’re so young!” Thank you, thankyouverymuch. :elvis

I’ve also been getting a lot of, “But what if you want to have kids someday?”  Well, the truth is, that’s never really been on my To Do list.  To put it delicately, I’m not much of a kid person, & I also don’t believe that the only way to have children is to give birth to them.  For one thing, I’ve already got the kittehs & they are children enough for me.  For another, there’s fostering, adoption, kidnapping (hey, if it weren’t a viable option, it wouldn’t start with kid! :face ), & this interesting new option I just discovered…


How cute is he?  And I can order one who looks just like him without any of the mood swings, stretchmarks, or thirty hours of labor.  Yep, if I get a hankering, I’ll just order me one of these babies, baby. :vamp

But what does bother me is that I’ve been told I won’t be allowed to bend over or exercise for six whole weeks!  This, to me, is both unfathomable & unacceptable.  Do you have any idea how much bending I do in a day?  Here’s a hint—cats eat on the floor; I feed them 9,000 times a day.  And that’s just the beginning.  My socks are on the floor…dust bunnies float around on the floor…when I drop something, it inevitably lands on the floor…

I also exercise an hour every day.  Now, I’ve been told I can walk after my initial recovery, but I no longer have a treadmill & my neighborhood isn’t exactly “let’s take a stroll” friendly (i.e. no sidewalks), so how the heck does that help me?  I want to bike, dammit!  I mean, two weeks I could understand, but six?!  Do they have any idea how much weight I can put on in six weeks of sedentary living?  This is why women get fat after hysterectomies; it has nothing to do with having their “woman parts” taken out! :littlevamp

So, anyway, Madame Mommy Dearest will be taking care of me (& the kittehs? ) during my convalescence …along with occasional visits from a close friend.  But as I mentioned back in August when I had the D&C that required no heavy anesthesia, no incision, & no overnight hospital stay, she is not exactly Florence Nightingale.  If I survive her care-taking, it will be minor miracle.

She did, however, ask if I wanted her to send flowers to my hospital room, which was kind of thoughtful.  But I said no.  Flowers die, & it’s not like I’m going to be there all that long.  What I’d really like instead…wait for it :bat …is melon liqueur.  Yep, I want Get Well alcohol instead of flowers.  Not that I’ll be drinking (very much?) during my recovery, but I’ve got a cocktail recipe I’ve really been wanting to try that calls for melon liqueur & I don’t have any. :drinkonme

Of course, I would love to get some cards & other varieties of hootch from my Darlings of The Dungeon.  Maybe even a few balloons, stuffed animals, or flowers (if you must *g*) to cheer me during my recovery. Please send all sacrifices…I mean, offerings…I mean, Get Well gifts to the following address:

Heidi Betts
c/o Mistress Heidi
The Dungeon
Suite 667 (evil & then some };->)
Seventh Circle, Hell 666-666


24 Comments  •  Comments Feed

  1. Jessica Lemmon says:

    Well, my dear, here’s to your speedy recovery! :drinkonme Surgery of any kind isn’t exactly fun, but I’m sure you’ll sail through, and let’s hope if Madame Mommy Dearest doesn’t do the trick, the melon liqeuor will.

    But, what a tease you are with that address! :mask I thought, oh goodie! An address! I’d like to mail you some of my (in)famous (stolen recipe) chocolate chip cookies. But, then, if you aren’t wanting to load up on calories while you’re downed, maybe I shouldn’t…

    Also, I announced a winner over at Sm:)e Feel Good – OKAY TWO WINNERS, I gave away a book as well since I made everyone wait another day. :play

    Thank you again SO MUCH for stopping by for an interview. Everyone loved you (DUH, right?)

    • Heidi says:

      Oh, hey, if you want to send me cookies, I will totally give you my real addy. Is it on my Contact page? Why, yes, it *is* on my Contact page. :vamp

      Glad you got a kick out of that, tho. And I’m pretty sure I could drink the melon liqueur straight from the bottle & be feeling no pain in an hour or two, so…yeah, it’s an option. :coffin

      Thanks for picking winners & taking care of the announcements. Just pass along those addies when you have them & I’ll get their books out. Of course, it may have to wait until after my little nip & tuck, but hopefully no one will mind. :show

      • Jessica Lemmon says:

        Youz is so sweet, but I will buy the book & send for my winner. Want me to take care of the other too so you won’t have to worry about it? Happy to help, Just let me know… I already sent you her mailing addy.

        • Heidi says:

          That’s so sweet of you! I really don’t mind, tho…either way for Winner #2 works for me. I’ve already got Winner #1’s book signed & ready to go, tho, so no worries there. :fangsmiley

          Trying like crazy to catch up because A.) I don’t know how long it will be till I feel up to it again & B.) I’m afraid I’ll forget, if I let it go too long. :biteyou

  2. Colleen Thompson says:

    Feel better very soon, Heidi!

    • Heidi says:

      Thank you, Colleen! You should see me trying to get the house all “recovery ready” so I won’t have to lift anything or bend over for anything or run into anything… Yeah, it’s kind of like trying to nail Jell-o to the wall.

      Ooh, Jell-o! That’s not on my Recovery Foods Shopping List yet! :bat2

  3. Mary Lynn Ostrum says:

    Best of luck, Heidi! I know you will come through everything just fine, in spite of Mommie Dearest’s care… Wish I could help take care of the kittehs – I do that for friends around town here and of course my own. 🙂 Your little darlings will be a big comfort for you and I’m sure you will be back in top form in no time. Looking forward to seeing you around the internet again!


    • Heidi says:

      Thank you, Lynn! I’m also not sure how I’m going to keep the kittehs from sleeping on or running across my stomach for 6wks, since they’re like heat-seeking missiles any time I lie down. Hmm…maybe vampires have the right idea; I should sleep in a coffin. :coffin

  4. Heidi says:

    BTW, it may be a given, but just in case…

    I feel like I should have mentioned that anybody who’s owed FBF books or other prizes from me may have to wait a couple weeks. If I don’t get them in the mail before Wednesday, then they’re going to end up on the To Do list for later. Don’t worry—I won’t forget about you…it’ll just seem that way for a while. :uhoh

  5. Pamela Cayne says:

    Sending you lots of get well juju. And yes, we kept the each and every number of the hunky doctors (and nurses!) on speed dial just in case. :vamp

    • Heidi says:

      Thank you, Pam! I will definitely be happy to have some hunky doctors…or my Darling Dwayne or Jason…drop by, even if I’m not feeling up to any other visitors. :coffin

  6. Mary Kirkland says:

    Have a safe and uneventful recovery. My sister in law just went through this last year and she said after the first few days she was in much less pain than she thought she would be in. She recovered faster than she thought and said it wasn’t a problem at all. So here’s to a speedy recovery. Take it easy and milk it for all it’s worth. lol 🙂

    • Heidi says:

      Thanks, Mary! That’s what I’m hoping for, actually. The no lifting/bending for so long is definitely going to be a problem for me & I don’t handle painkillers very well, so I expect to be loopy for a while. But the sooner I can get onto something easy like Motrin & start shuffling around, the better! :jack

      And even tho I sincerely do not want to do this…I can’t *wait* to have it done! :elvira

  7. Robin Covington says:

    Heidi – I had mine at the age of 42 on October 4, 2010 and it was the best day of my life. I’m sure we can trade horror stories but I had finally said that enough was enough and decided to take my life back from the evil hands of the Tampax and Midol people.

    I had mine done laporoscopically at Holy Cross and went back to work (as an attorney) at 3 weeks part-time and 4 weeks full time. I was sore and you’ll definitely be hurting but that is what Class A narcotics are for, honey. After the first two weeks, I took ibuprofen.

    It will go faster than you think.

    Good luck!


    • Heidi says:

      Thanks for the encouragement, Robin! And for the record, you do not look 42…or whatever age you might be now; I refuse to do that kind of math. :show

      This stuff runs in my family; my gram & mother both had hysterectomies fairly early & I was diagnosed w/ endometriosis 2yrs after my periods started, for heaven’s sake, & it went downhill from there. I’m sick of it already! But if I don’t bounce back & become Energizer Bunny perky again afterward, my dr. is in serious trouble! :vamp2

      I’ve got enough Kotex, Tampax, & Midol to keep the Titanic from sinking, & am thinking of having a Hysterectomy Yard Sale in the Spring! :lol

  8. Hollie says:

    Good thoughts and vibes heading your way for a very fast recovery!!
    You’ll be back to your old whip cracking self in no time at all!!

  9. Kathleen O says:

    Heidi, I have been in your shoes. I had mine just shortly after my 40th birthday. And you really have to work at that no bending and lifting.. It can cause problems afterwards. I know. For me it was the incision inside, not on the outside, that did not heal properly and caused all kinds of problems later on. So please be careful.
    But the best thing is no more periods. But then again, there is those hormone overloads. You think PMS was bad. I sent my poor father and brother into hiding.

    I stayed with my parents and both of these guys were afraid to talk to me.. I would cry at the drop of at hat.. I was having hot flashes only I didn’t know what they were at the time. I kept having my mother, god rest her soul, take my temperature. Tell her each time my temp was normal, that the thermometer was busted. Get a new one. How my poor mother didn’t through me out a window during this time, I have know Idea….
    Good luck and try to keep in touch to let us know how you are…

    • Heidi says:

      Well, that doesn’t sound like fun. :vamp2 My mother didn’t have any of those problems, so hopefully I won’t, either. And I do tend to heal quickly…at least if past procedures are anything to go by. But we’ll see; this is all new to me. (Yeah—as tho I’d do it twice, right? *snork*)

  10. Jane says:

    Wishing you a successful surgery and a speedy recovery, Heidi. :elvira :call

  11. Anne says:

    Good luck with the surgery. I know women who have been devastated, so I’m glad you’re happy (as well as you can be with the limitations and the fact that you’re getting sliced and diced).

    Watch out for the cats (hard as it is being away from them, it might be best if they stayed with mom for a couple of weeks). When I had minor surgery on my leg it was AMAZING how often they jumped on that EXACT spot, even when I thought they hardly ever went near my legs (I don’t have lap sitters). When I had both carpal tunnels done, they stayed away cause they didn’t like the smell of the ace bandages or possibly cause it looked like I had a huge club on the end of my arm ;-).

    A women’s shelter would probably be happy to have your leftover supplies.

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