On the episode of Bob’s Burgers titled “The Kids Run Away,” Linda sends Tina into her aunt Gayle’s apartment on a “Secret Mission.” And while Linda & Bob wait outside in the car, Tina texts her mother:
Text #1 — “Hi, Mom. Ready when you are.”
Text #2 — “It’s Tina.”
Text #3 — “Tina your daughter, Tina.”
I laughed so hard when I saw this, because that is SO ME, it’s not even funny. That’s almost exactly what I do every time I call Madame Mommy Dearest. :watermelon:
Never mind that she’s my mother & probably recognizes my voice fairly quickly.
Never mind that everyone has Caller ID these days & she probably knows I’m the one calling before she even answers.
As soon as she picks up the phone, I still say, “Hi, Mom, it’s me—Heidi.” :lolol:
She’s tells me every so often that she knows who I am, I don’t have to identify myself with name, rank, & serial number. But still I persist.
It’s my thing, I guess. :crutch: I even had an editor tell me once that I didn’t need to use my first & last name to identify myself when I called her. But I don’t know how many Heidis she knows! So, yes, I do.
Or maybe it’s just my own personal reaction to never really standing out in a crowd. :fly:
OMG, have you seen this commercial?!
Not even funny—or perhaps even more hysterical–because, as you know, I just moved into a new house. And I, too, question the previous owner’s taste…because I, too, have a terrible dining room mural to contend with:
P.S. I think I’d rather have the beach scene. I could actually do something with that. :situp:
Have I ever mentioned that my life is quite often stranger than fiction? Honestly, if I wrote some of the things that happen to me into a book, I would get so many letters or reviews saying, “That was totally unbelievable! Nothing like that it going to happen in real life!” Oh, ye of little faith. I couldn’t make up some of the bizarre things I’ve been through. :img19
Once again, God put me right where I needed to be, exactly when I needed to be there, to save an animal. And if anyone ever says I’m bad neighbor, they can kiss my pale white ass, because I’m not sure there are many people out there who would do what I did—& have done in the past, actually—for those who live around me.
It was crazy how it happened, too. I had to be up super early yesterday, after going to bed at 3am, then tossing & turning so much I really only about an hour’s sleep. :img31 So after putting in the busy day I had to deal with, all I wanted to do was grab some shut-eye. And as soon as I got home, that’s what I did—conked out in the recliner.
But I’d only been asleep about 30 minutes when my TV suddenly started blasting a new show. I’d had it on in the background, & it was set to switch automatically a couple of times, but not to American Ninja Warrior…& that’s what came on. :img33 Belatedly I realized that it hadn’t come on automatically; it had actually already been on that channel from the previous switch to The Big Bang Theory (which I never heard a word of), but for some reason it suddenly got very loud & had me sitting up from a dead sleep.
I really had to go to the bathroom, though, so I went ahead & got up. And as I walked into the bathroom, I happened to look out the window to see a bunny in the driveway across the street. It hopped quickly away from the road as a car zipped past, which was a huge relief. I even said aloud, “Run that way, bunny…away from the road!” But of course he couldn’t hear me.
Then I noticed that the bunny was acting very…un-wild bunny-like. Normally when I see rabbits in the yard or crossing the street, then move very quickly in straight line—they don’t mess around in getting where they want to go. But this one hopped this way, then that way, then wandered over there. And that’s when I looked a little closer & thought, “He doesn’t really look like a wild bunny.” His fur was too light; butterscotch, whereas wild bunnies are usually more of a brownish-gray.
I still hadn’t peed, but as soon as I realized what it might be—the neighbor kids’ pet bunny! :img22 —I raced downstairs & started searching for their phone number at the same time I shoved my feet into my Crocs. I was so afraid he was going to get hit by a car before I could get in touch with the neighbors or get out there to protect him. No one ever answered the stupid phone, but their lights were on, so I ran over & started pounding on the door—at the same time keeping an eye on the bunny rabbit to make sure he wasn’t hopping close to the road again.
Thankfully the neighbors were home, & the oldest boy got his shoes & jacket on, & came right out to retrieve the little guy. (His name is Tiger, by the way, although he doesn’t have a single stripe on him anywhere. :img11 ) I told Jonathan I’d have been happy to go after Tiger myself, but I was a little afraid I’d only make him nervous if he was approached by someone he didn’t know. So while Jonathan went after him, I stood on the side of the road to keep an eye out for traffic. And darned if that little stinker didn’t wait until Jonathan go within arm’s reach to hop away…about ten times. :img2 He was just enjoying his freedom & that green-green grass from the other side of the road way too much.
As Jonathan was slowly trying to catch Tiger, a couple out walking happened by. Since I was standing in the middle of the road in my pajamas like a door, I explained what was going on. And the lady said, “I didn’t think that looked like a wild rabbit when we walked by!”; apparently she’d seen it on their way up the street. No sooner did she say that than a truck appeared at the top of the hill…moving none too slowly. :img36 So while Jonathan & the guy walking down the street kind of boxed Tiger in to keep him from darting into the road, I stepped right into the lane & started waving my arms to let the driver know he needed to slow down. Now, you’d think as soon as he saw someone in the middle of the road—hailing him, no less—he’d have eased off the gas, right? Oh, no! He waited until he was almost on top of me before slowing, & as he rolled by with his window down, I told him, “We’ve got an escaped pet situation here.” He says, “Oh,” like he couldn’t have cared less, & the minute he passed me, he hit the gas & barreled on again. (Seriously—what is wrong with people? If the bunny had spooked & run into the road, this guy would have killed him for sure. All because he couldn’t be bothered slowing down & crawling by when he knew something was going on. Grrrrr. :img20 )
Right after that, though, Jonathan managed to grab Tiger. Poor baby was more than a little panicked at all the attention & strangers, though, & started kicking to get away, scratching Jonathan in the process. Thankfully, I was wearing one of my button-front pajama tops as a sweater over my t-shirt pajama top, so I quickly shrugged out of it & told Jonathan to wrap the bunny in it as securely as possible—like a little bunny burrito. :img27 Poor Jonathan acted like this was such a big deal; “Are you sure?” he must have asked two or three times. Yes, yes! I told him not to worry about it; I didn’t care if Tiger got it full of fur or put a hole in it or if Jonathan bled on it from his scratches. Trust me, I’ve put my clothes through much worse for much less. And if it had been one of The Kittehs, I’d have stripped down to nothing to use whatever clothing I needed to keep them safe. :img5
It worked like a charm & we got little Wandering Tiger into the house. Then I got to hold him while they got his indoor pen set up & ready for him. Ohmigosh, he was so soft & sweet! :img9 But his heart was pounding a mile a minute after all of that excitement.
So, yeah, I’m such a Big Bad Bully of a neighbor. I only had to p*ss like a racehorse the entire time…was functioning on only about two hours of sleep…hadn’t eaten anything since a banana at 8am…stood in the middle of the road in my pajamas…& didn’t leave until the situation was resolved, & I knew their pet was safe. Gosh, I’m such a bitch. (Can you tell I’ve been having trouble with some folks in the neighborhood? But certainly not all of them; to some of them, I’m an absolute angel.) But I would do the same all over again—& have many times in the past—if I like you & you’ve been a good neighbor to me. As the Bible says, Do unto others…& though I’m not going to let anybody push me around, I do try to live by the Golden Rule. Karma & all that, y’know. :img10
But mostly I’m just thankful I happened to wake up (or be awakened) when I did…glance out the window when I did…realize it was a pet rabbit & not a wild one when I saw it…& was able to get something done before it got hurt. Animal safely is the #1 priority…& God is responsible for all of that. :img15
So last week, I told you how much I loved to read as a kid, & how Madame Mommy Dearest would bring Nancy Drew books home for me from her junior high library when I was in only 3rd or 4th grade when my school librarian refused to let me check them out of her library on my own. (I even remember which Nancy Drew book I desperately wanted to check out that day…Mystery of Crocodile Island.)
From that point on, I desperately wanted to own the entire Nancy Drew collection. I couldn’t wait until MMD retired so I could have the collection from her library. (For the record, they were old; really early versions that had been through the wringer. By the time she retired, students weren’t reading Nancy Drew anymore :May37 & she’d already begun weeding/updating the collection, so I knew she would be discarding them & bringing them home to me! :may35 )
Well, she didn’t bring them home to me. Oh, she discarded them from the collection, all right, but she gave them to another teacher for her niece. She claims she didn’t know I wanted them. I say she wasn’t listening very closely. :may8
So ever since then, there’s been a bit of a hole in my heart where my Nancy Drew books should have been. :may38
And then, last week, a miracle occurred! :may223
I walked into a local Goodwill store & an entire shelf was filled with Nancy Drew books. I was so excited, I nearly yipped & did a little dance as I loaded them into my cart. :may14
Oh, I won’t delude myself into believe it’s a complete collection, but there were 43 of them there & I bought every one! They’re in really good shape, too. I expected them to be ex-library copies or previously owned by some kid who felt the need to write her name in every one like I used to do. :may19 But instead, they’re almost perfect. And instead of sharing the exact same binding/cover art the way the ones in MMD‘s library did (seriously, they were all this salmon pink with the exact same picture on the front instead of having different artwork that depicted something from the individual stories :may24 ), they do have different covers that depict something from the storylines.
Weeeeee! I’m so excited! :may3
MMD pooh-poohed me a little, scoffing at my purchase, asking what I needed with those when I was an adult & would never actually read any of them again. But I covered my ears & lalalalalalalaed her. I was too happy to let her bring me down. And really, she should be glad I found these; it erases a tiny bit of childhood resentment I’m sure I was harboring toward her for giving away MY books in the first place. :may23
Who’s with me? Who used to love Nancy Drew & would have grabbed them all up, too? :mat27